Kevin and the Gang: In-Between, Episode 8 - The Play's the Thing
by J-R Virtual Seasons
Summary: June 2002: Junior high is almost over for Kevin and his classmates, and before they take the next step on the journey of life, they have a big drama project to complete. With Kevin's part involving a physical challenge, and Jandro's an emotional one, it looks as if things may not be all right on the night.
1. Chapter 1

Kevin and his classmates were sitting in a circle on the floor of the drama studio, all wearing socks without shoes and looking at Mr Fearnhead, who was allowing himself to sit on a chair and poring over a piece of paper.

'I've worked this out very, _very_ carefully,' he said. 'I've organised you into groups, and no one can change. Understood?'

They all looked at him blankly.

'Good,' said Mr Fearnhead. 'Lucy, Michael, Kevin, Jandro and Ella, you'll be delighted to know that I've put you five together, and your play is Arthur Miller's _A View from the Bridge_. One of you come and take your copy of the play and synopsis, then find a space and start working on it.'

Lucy stood up and went to Mr Fearnhead, while the other four mooched off into a corner by the retractable benches that were currently pushed into the wall. Lucy joined them as Mr Fearnhead was saying, 'Catherine, Stephanie, Jack and Mark, you'll be doing Tennessee Williams' _The Glass Menagerie_...'

'So what are we supposed to do?' asked Michael, as Lucy handed him his copy of the play.

'Weren't you listening?' asked Lucy.

'Kind of,' said Michael.

'We have to condense this whole thing into ten minutes,' said Kevin, 'and then perform it to the rest of the group.'

'What,' said Michael, 'today?'

'No,' said Kevin. 'It has to be ready for the last drama class in a few weeks.'

'This is way too much to ask,' said Ella, scowling at the sheaf of papers in her hands. 'It seems like a lot of work to study this whole play, _and_ figure out how to cut it down to ten minutes, _and_ perform it!'

'Especially since there's way more than five characters in it,' said Jandro, flicking through his copy.

'Well,' said Kevin, 'maybe you only need five for the ten-minute version. Let's read through the synopsis first.' He rifled through his pieces of paper, found the one he wanted and began to read aloud. ' _New York. Eddie and Beatrice Carbone are raising their orphaned niece Catherine, for whom Eddie harbours a growing passion as she approaches her eighteenth birthday. He discourages her from taking a job and expresses dislike for the way she dresses, and the interest she takes in men. The family houses Beatrice's cousins, two illegal immigrants named Marco and Rodolpho. Marco intends to return to Italy where he has a wife and children, while Catherine and Rodolpho enter a passionate relationship and decide to marry. Eddie tries to prove that Rodolpho is gay and marrying Catherine for citizenship, but cannot persuade the law to intervene. He then calls immigration services and Marco and Rodolpho are arrested. They are later released. Rodolpho is allowed to stay in the USA and marry Catherine but Marco must return home to Italy. Marco confronts Eddie with a knife, and Eddie is killed in the ensuing scuffle._ '

'Then what happened?' asked Michael.

'That's it,' said Kevin.

'But what happens to Marco in the end?' Michael persisted. 'Does he go home or go down for murder or what?'

'I don't know,' said Kevin.

'It doesn't matter,' said Lucy. 'Let's just get organised. There may be more than five characters in the play, but it seems like only five are important enough to make it into the synopsis.'

'It looks like this cop dude is kind of important,' said Jandro, who was still flicking through the full version of the play. 'Maybe someone can double up as him. Or her. He'd... _she'd_ probably have to have scenes with all the male characters, so it would have to be one of you girls.'

'That's a great idea,' said Ella, 'giving a role like that to a woman. It'd be like _Alien_. Did you know the part of Ripley was originally written for a man? And then they cast Sigourney Weaver, and that's the only way male writers can come up with genuinely strong female characters.'

'What's all this about trying to prove Rodolpho is gay?' asked Kevin, flicking through his own copy of the play. 'What is this play trying to say about homosexuality in New York in... whatever time period this is?'

'Let's cast the parts first,' said Lucy. 'Kevin and Jandro, you can be the two brothers.'

'Makes sense,' said Michael. 'They look more like brothers than you girls look like aunt and niece... but I don't know if they exactly look Italian.'

Lucy frowned slightly. 'That doesn't matter, Michael – it's just representative. I mean, from what I know about _The Glass Menagerie_ , Catherine and Stephanie are going to have to play a mother and daughter, and one of those stupid guys has to be their son-slash-brother.'

'In that case,' said Michael, 'Jandro and Kev don't _have_ to play the brothers.'

'Do you want to play one?' asked Lucy.

'No,' said Michael. 'I'll be Eddie if you want.'

'Then I'll be Eddie's wife,' said Ella, linking her arm through his.

'Great,' said Lucy. 'So I must be Catherine. That's all fixed, then.'

'No it's not,' said Jandro. 'Me and Kev don't know which of the brothers we're playing.'

'Oh, right,' said Lucy. 'Hold on – let's see if this thing describes the characters. Maybe one of them is buff and one of them is wiry or something.'

'I bet they're not,' said Michael.

'Right,' said Jandro, who was still looking at his copy of the play, and now his cheeks were turning red. 'I, um... I think I should be Marco.'

'No,' said Lucy, also looking at her script, 'Kevin should be Marco.'

'Why?' asked Kevin.

'Because he's supposed to be really strong,' said Lucy, 'and you look like the Incredible Hulk, Kev!'

'Oh, I do not!' Kevin tittered.

'See,' said Lucy, 'I've found this scene where Marco indirectly threatens Eddie by challenging him to hold a chair steady above his head by one leg, and he can't do it, and then Marco does it himself.'

'We'll have to leave that part out,' said Kevin. 'I can't do that!'

'I think we should put it in,' said Lucy. 'It'd really put across what we're trying to convey. We can probably find some kind of prop you could lift, Kev. Oh, and Jandro needs a blond wig.'

'Why does that matter?' asked Michael. 'You said it was just representative.'

'Well,' said Lucy, 'I guess we _could_ do without, but there's a conversation about Rodolpho being blond that epitomises Catherine's interest in him.'

'Are you sure about all this, Luce?' asked Ella. 'I mean, you've only just flicked through it.'

'Yeah, I guess you're right,' said Lucy. 'Let's all read the play right now, mark the parts we think should go into our performance, finish tonight for homework, compare notes in homeroom tomorrow and... well, things will go on from there, really.'

* * *

After school, Jandro and Kevin began walking home together.

'So how much of the play did you manage to read in class?' asked Jandro.

'Not much,' said Kevin. 'I mean, we didn't have that long.'

'I guess not. I got to the end of Act One, though.'

Kevin looked at him. 'You don't sound very happy about that, dude.'

'Yeah, well, I'm still not too happy about playing Rodolpho. Do you think maybe we could persuade the others to let us switch?'

'Why?'

'Because Marco's wife is in another country for the whole play,' said Jandro. 'He doesn't have to... well, you know...'

'What – have a romance with Lucy's character?'

'Exactly. I just don't feel comfortable with that kind of thing.'

'Well,' said Kevin, 'what makes you think _I_ do?'

'You already played her boyfriend in _A Christmas Carol_ in seventh grade.'

'Yeah, but I felt uncomfortable about having to kiss her – so much that she changed the whole scene for me!'

'Well then,' said Jandro, 'you know how I feel. Anyway, Catherine and Rodolpho don't even just kiss – they have sex!'

Kevin grinned. 'What, onstage?'

'No, but they kiss and go off into a bedroom, and then they come out with their clothes half off.'

'Well, we don't have to have that in our version.'

'I bet we do,' said Jandro. 'I bet Lucy says it epitomises their relationship or something.'

'But it's not only up to Lucy,' said Kevin. 'This is supposed to be a team effort. But listen, dude, you should just do what I did with _A Christmas Carol_ and tell her how you feel.'

'Yeah, maybe,' said Jandro. 'Anyway, here's where we separate.'

'See you tomorrow,' said Kevin.

'Yeah... bye.'

Jandro went mooching off down the street to the right, watched for a few moments by Kevin, who then carried on straight ahead. He soon reached his front door, opened it and went inside, where immediately the sound of a party blower filled the air and then streamers were thrown onto his head. He blinked in surprise, and found himself looking at Beth, Eduardo and Kylie.

'Oh,' said Kylie, 'it's only Kevin.'

'Sorry, honey,' said Beth. 'We thought you were your father.'

'You did?' said Kevin, frowning in confusion as he brushed the streamers out of his hair.

'Don't you remember, Kev?' said Eduardo. 'He qualified as a detective today.'

'Oh yeah,' said Kevin, then grinned as he added, 'And you're here to celebrate! That's great!'

'Well,' said Eduardo, 'it's better to keep the peace.'

'We even brought him a present,' said Kylie, and from behind her back she produced a dark blue coffee mug bearing the emblem of a gold NYPD detective shield.

'Hey, that's pretty nice,' said Kevin. 'Too bad you didn't bring a blond wig.'

Eduardo and Kylie exchanged awkward glances, then Kylie said guardedly, 'Why would you think either of us had a blond wig?'

'I don't,' said Kevin. 'It's just that Lucy wants Jandro to wear one for our drama project.'

'Oh,' said Kylie. 'Well, in that case, I might have an old one you guys could borrow. I, er... went as Buffy for Halloween once. So it might be too feminine, I guess.'

'Oh, that's okay,' said Kevin. 'Michael's character thinks Jandro's character has girly hair. We could take a look, anyway, if you wouldn't mind lending it.'

'No problem,' said Kylie. 'I'll bring it over tomorrow on my way to work.'

'Thanks,' said Kevin. 'That's really nice of you.'

'What character are _you_ playing, honey?' asked Beth.

'Jandro's brother,' said Kevin, 'who isn't blond, but he _is_ supposed to lift a chair above his head by one leg without it wobbling.'

'Well,' said Kylie, 'I don't think I can help you there.'

'No one can,' said Kevin, as the door opened behind him. 'I don't think we'll really be able to include that part, even though Lucy wants to.'

'Why are you all standing around in the hallway?' asked Carl.

'Oh!' said Beth, and she blew her blower in his face, while Eduardo threw another handful of streamers and Kylie thrust the blue mug past Kevin's head and into Carl's hands.

'Congratulations, Carl,' she said. 'Here's a small token of Eduardo's and my esteem.'

'Oh,' said Carl, blinking in bewilderment at the mug. 'Well... thank you.'

'You can have some coffee in it right now, hon,' said Beth, taking his arm and dragging him towards the kitchen. 'I baked a cake too. Come on, all of you!'

Kylie scurried into the kitchen after them, while Eduardo hung back and said, 'You got time for cake, Kev? I feel like I hardly ever get to see you these days.'

'Well,' said Kevin, 'you're the one who moved out.'

'I can't argue with that,' said Eduardo. 'But you'll spend some time with me now I'm here, won't you?'

'Of course I will, but it can't go on all evening. Lucy wants me to finish reading this play tonight.'

'Lucy's very demanding all of a sudden.'

'I think she just wants to do well on this drama project. So do I, really.'

'Yeah?' said Eduardo. 'I never made much effort in drama – couldn't see the point.'

'Really?' said Kevin, with a grin. 'Are you sure it's not just because you don't like putting yourself out there?'

'Acting isn't putting yourself out there,' said Eduardo. 'It's hiding behind a fake persona.'

'That depends on how you look at it,' Kevin said meaningfully.

Eduardo raised his eyebrows. 'Something bothering you, Kev?'

'Not me,' said Kevin. 'Jandro.'

'Oh. Well, maybe he'll feel better when he's wearing the Buffy wig.'

* * *

When Lucy walked into homeroom the next morning, she saw that Michael and Kevin were laughing at Jandro as he paraded around their desks in a long blond wig. Ella walked in just behind her, tittered and said, ' _What_ are those guys doing?'

'Just being stupid,' said Lucy. 'Come on.'

The two girls walked over to the three boys and gave them a look. Jandro took off the wig and sank into his seat, smiling sheepishly.

'Okay,' said Lucy, whipping out a large notepad, 'what's everybody done for the play?'

There was a silence. It lasted until Lucy began to look really peeved, at which point Kevin said, 'I found that wig for Jandro.'

'That's it?' said Lucy, looking round at her four friends. 'That's all _any_ of you have done?'

'Sorry, Luce,' said Kevin. 'There was this family celebration going on last night, you see, and in the end I only had time to do one homework and that math assignment is due –'

'We all know when that math assignment is due,' said Lucy, frowning.

'Yeah,' said Michael, 'and I haven't done that either.'

'I spent last night doing it,' said Ella, 'and before that I had to watch my sister playing soccer.'

Lucy looked at Jandro. 'What's your excuse?'

'I read the play,' said Jandro. 'I just couldn't figure out... well, what should and shouldn't go in.'

'Well,' said Lucy, 'in that case, I think you all have to accept what _I've_ done and not argue about anything you don't want to do!'

'Sounds fair,' said Michael.

'What if more than one of us think something's a bad idea?' asked Ella.

'Then we can take a vote,' said Lucy. 'Majority wins – no arguments. Agreed?'

'Agreed,' said everyone, and at last Lucy smiled as she set down her notebook on Kevin's desk.

'I've organised the whole story into five two-minute scenes,' she said. 'Scene one, the five main characters are introduced and we make it clear who has the hots for who and all the bad feeling and everything. Scene two, Eddie takes out his frustrations by making Rodolpho box with him, and then Marco threatens him with the chair lifting thing.'

'Objection!' said Kevin. 'I can't lift a chair above my head by one leg, Luce.'

'I'm sure you can,' said Lucy, 'if it's the right chair. It would only have to be a little one – it's just representative.'

'Well then, why can't we change it?' said Kevin. 'Make it something lighter... or maybe I could lift the chair over my head by the seat.'

'What's the good of that?' said Lucy. 'If it was a small enough chair, _I_ could lift it over my head by the seat!'

'I thought we were supposed to take a vote if this happened,' said Ella.

'That was if more than one person objected,' said Michael. 'Does anyone else think Kev shouldn't have to lift the chair? I think it's a really cool idea.'

'Me too,' said Ella.

'The ayes have it, then,' said Lucy, triumphantly, as Kevin shot Jandro a dirty look. 'Okay, scene three, Rodolpho and Catherine talk and end up having sex. Scene four –'

'Wait a minute,' said Jandro. 'How's everyone gonna know we've... I mean, Rodolpho and Catherine have... well, you know...?'

'We can figure that out later,' said Lucy. 'Scene four, Eddie finds Rodolpho and Catherine and learns they're planning on marrying, and he tries to prove Rodolpho is gay. And in that part...' She took a deep breath, then finished in a rush, 'Eddie has to kiss Rodolpho.'

Michael started giggling. 'What?'

'Do you object, Michael?' Lucy asked pointedly.

'Um,' said Michael, still giggling. 'I don't know.'

Lucy looked at Jandro. 'Jandro?'

'I don't mind Michael kissing me for the play,' he said, 'as long as he doesn't use his tongue.'

'Don't worry,' said Michael. 'I won't.'

' _I_ object,' said Ella.

'You do?' said Michael. 'Babe, it's only acting.'

'I know,' said Ella. 'I don't care about that. I'm objecting because my character's name hasn't been mentioned once.'

'Well,' said Lucy, 'you're in the opening scene – we can have you telling me not to walk around in my underwear in front of Michael and stuff, to establish those kinds of themes... and you're there at the end when your husband is dead, and you're kind of in the background when Kevin holds the chair above his head.'

'Lucy, I can't _do_ that!' said Kevin.

'Kevin, it's _happening_!' said Lucy.

'Maybe Ella would rather play Catherine,' Jandro said brightly.

'I don't think that would work,' said Ella. 'Lucy looks sort of, well... less mature than me, doesn't she? So I can't be her niece. But look, am I going to be this cop character too?'

'Yes,' said Lucy. 'His – no – _her_ name is Alfieri, and Michael's going to tell you about the kiss with Rodolpho to finish scene four. Scene five will be Eddie calling immigration, then Marco and Rodolpho coming back after a time skip, and the death of Eddie. Then we're done.'

* * *

Later that day, Kevin found Oscar in the library, peering at the spines of a row of books in the physics section.

'Hi, dude,' said Kevin.

'Hey,' said Oscar. 'Do you think any of these books will have anything on alternative fuels? I'm supposed to do this project on them.'

'I don't know,' said Kevin. 'I think most of the books in here are at least twenty years old, and no one was worrying about fuel back then.'

'This is so unfair,' said Oscar. 'Mrs Lloyd said we had to use books as well as the internet. That's just setting us up to fail! Hey, wait – didn't you do this project last year?'

'No,' said Kevin. 'I guess the science department only started caring about alternative fuels _this_ year. Look, why don't we go to the computer section and start by using Google?'

'Yeah, okay,' said Oscar, and he went mooching off towards the computers with Kevin at his heels. 'So how's your morning been?'

'Not great,' said Kevin. 'My friends are pressuring me to lift a chair above my head by one leg without it wobbling.'

Oscar gave him a look as he sat down at one of the computers. 'Weird what kids are pressuring each other into these days.'

'It's a drama project,' said Kevin, taking his seat beside Oscar.

'I'm doing one of those as well,' said Oscar, as he typed _00venkmano_ into the computer, and then his password. 'It's real funny, actually. Danny lies down behind a screen, and I do this alien autopsy thing where I throw out all this stuff that I'm pretending to pull out of him.'

'Sounds like fun,' said Kevin. 'But it seems when you get to the end of junior high, you're supposed to take your drama project seriously.'

'Is that all that's worrying you – lifting up this chair?'

'Yeah... I think so. I don't seem to have much else to do, apart from kill Michael in a struggle at the end, but I can do that.'

'You can lift a chair above your head as well, dude,' said Oscar. 'I know you can.'

'Well,' said Kevin, 'I guess if I _can't_ do it, and I show the others that I can't, we'll _have_ to take it out.'

'But you _can_ do it!' said Oscar. 'I mean, maybe not like a big heavy dining chair or something...'

'Of course not!'

'But a little light one should be okay.'

'It's not just the weight of the chair,' said Kevin. 'It's holding it by one leg. It's going to be really hard to hold it so it won't topple over.'

'You can do that easily,' said Oscar, typing _small light chair_ into Google. 'Look, you could use one of these light plastic folding chairs... or one of these little kids' chairs.'

'Look, man,' said Kevin, 'do you think _you_ could hold one of those above your head by one leg without it wobbling?'

'No,' said Oscar, 'but I think _you_ could.'

Kevin scowled. 'Why isn't _anybody_ on my side here?'

'Because we all know you can do it, dude,' said Oscar.

Kevin was about to reply when suddenly a voice said behind him, 'Oscar, there you are! I've found the _funniest_ thing for you to pull out of me in the autopsy!'

They both turned and saw Danny Hart standing behind them with a large stripy sausage-shaped object in his hand. Oscar burst out laughing.

'You guys are gonna get us kicked out,' said Kevin. 'Maybe you should calm down and work on your science project.'

'Oh, that,' said Danny, his face falling. 'Alternative fuel is actually really important – turning it into a school project just cheapens it.'

'Hey, Danny,' said Oscar, 'do you think Kevin could lift a chair above his head by one leg without it wobbling?'

Danny glanced at Kevin, and said, 'Yes.'

* * *

When school had finished, Jandro had to run to catch up with Kevin as he began walking home.

'What's with you, dude?' Jandro asked. 'Are you mad at me or something?'

'I don't know,' said Kevin. 'Maybe a little... but it sounds so petty!'

'What is it?' said Jandro. 'Come on, Kev – you can be honest with me about your feelings.'

'Well, it's just... I hoped you'd back me up about the chair thing. I don't think you really care either way, but you know I do, so you could've said something.'

'There was no point,' said Jandro. 'It had three votes.'

'You could have argued my case. Maybe somebody would've changed their mind.'

'But we all agreed to abide by the majority vote thing and _not_ argue. I'm sorry, Kev... I didn't know you felt that strongly about it.'

'Oh, it's okay,' said Kevin. 'You're right – we did agree to go with the majority vote.'

'I'll help you figure out how to lift the chair,' said Jandro. 'I'll even buy you a special chair out of my allowance.'

Kevin smiled slightly. 'In exchange for me helping you not to have to kiss Lucy?'

'Well,' said Jandro, 'if you do happen to think of anything...'

'But you're okay with kissing Michael?'

'I'm not kissing Michael – Michael's kissing _me_. And yes, I'm fine with it, because... well, it's only acting. It doesn't mean anything.'

'Oh,' said Kevin, 'I see.'

'You do?' said Jandro.

'Yeah, I think I do. Look, there's one very obvious way of doing the scene the way you want, and that's to write it yourself.'

'But Arthur Miller's already written it.'

'No he hasn't – he only wrote the original. _We're_ doing an adaptation. Look, if you write it and show it to Lucy next time we have drama, she'll just be happy that someone else has done some work on the damn thing.'

'Maybe not,' said Jandro. 'Maybe she won't like it.'

'Well,' said Kevin, 'let's cross that bridge if and when we come to it.'


	2. Chapter 2

In the next drama lesson, the groups were left to themselves to work on their plays, with Mr Fearnhead hovering around in case he was needed.

'I've done some work on the play,' Jandro announced, when the five of them were seated in a little circle in their corner. 'I wrote up the scene where Rodolpho and Catherine, um...'

'Bone,' said Michael.

'Er, yeah,' said Jandro, colouring slightly and avoiding Lucy's eye. 'So, um... here it is.'

'Thanks for doing that, Jandro,' said Lucy, smiling as she took her copy of Jandro's script. 'Let's see. _Catherine: I want to marry you and live in Italy. Rodolpho: I don't want to live in Italy, and also there's no jobs there. Catherine: You could be a singer. Rodolpho: No I couldn't. Catherine: Hold me. They go into the bedroom._ Um...'

Kevin looked horrified while Michael laughed and clapped Jandro on the back. 'Dude,' he said, 'you suck at writing!'

'I know,' said Jandro, blushing furiously. 'I didn't know how _much_ I was gonna suck! And the script wasn't much help, you know – the conversation they have is all weird, and there's something about Eddie coming home drunk while it's all going on...'

'Yeah, but still,' said Michael, 'this sucks way more than it has to.'

'Oh yeah?' said Lucy, looking daggers at Michael. 'And what have _you_ done to prepare for your role?'

'What I've done to prepare for the role,' said Michael, 'is... quite little, actually.'

'I _thought_ so!' said Lucy. Then she turned kind eyes onto Jandro. 'Okay, Jandro, maybe this isn't the best right now, but we can work with it. It's only a first draft, after all, and the essence of the scene is all there.'

'I'll prepare for the role right now, Luce,' said Michael. 'I can come home drunk!'

So saying, he got to his feet and began lurching around the drama studio. All his friends began to laugh at his antics, until he lurched into Mark Warner, who was apparently doing some kind of outlandish feminine impersonation, to the great amusement of his friend Jack. The other members of the group, Catherine and Stephanie, did not look amused.

'Hey, watch where you're going, Conway!' said Mark.

'I wouldn't have to if you weren't wasting time being stupid,' said Michael.

'You mean like you were doing?'

'I was doing drama, dick-splash. My character is drunk.'

'Yeah, well, _my_ character's a doughnut puncher.'

Michael scowled deeply, and balled his fists. Ella shot to her feet and said, 'Mike, don't – he's not worth it!'

At this point Mr Fearnhead came scuttling over, demanding, 'What's going on here, boys? You two aren't even in the same group, are you?'

'This jerk is interfering with my performance, Mr Fearnhead,' said Mark.

'Mr Fearnhead,' said Michael, 'I'm concerned about Mark's portrayal of a homosexual character.'

Mr Fearnhead looked at Mark, saying pointedly, 'I take it you're playing Tom. Let's discuss the character with the rest of your group, shall we? Williams had rather an old-fashioned view of the homosexual male – perhaps you'd like to consider modernising your interpretation...'

'What an ass,' said Michael, as he rejoined his group.

'Never mind about him,' said Jandro. 'What about this scene? I can't fix it by myself. Who's going to help me?'

'I will,' said Kevin, jumping in when he saw that Lucy was about to volunteer. 'You can come to my place over the weekend and we'll work on it.'

'Hey, could I get in on that?' said Michael. 'We could work on the part where Eddie comes in and loses his shit.'

'If you're going to do that,' said Lucy, 'maybe the three of you can work on the chair-lifting scene and the ending as well. Then you and I could get together, Ella, and script the opening scene and the part with Alfieri.'

'Cool,' said Ella. 'I'll ask my dad if we can have a sleepover, and he'll definitely say yes.'

'So what do we do here for the next half-hour?' asked Jandro.

'Let's improvise the opening scene,' said Lucy, jumping to her feet. 'It'll help us get some ideas. So, Michael, you're perving on me while Ella tells you her illegal Italian cousins are coming to live with us...'

* * *

Jandro and Michael arrived at Kevin's house together. When Kevin opened the door to them, he was struggling with a shapeless and awkwardly wrapped brown paper parcel.

'I'm glad it's you,' he said. 'When the doorbell went a minute ago, it was some guy delivering this! Anyway, come on in.'

He made his way to the living room with the parcel, and once the three boys were seated on the couch, Kevin started tearing off the brown paper. Before he had finished, Carl came in, apparently attracted by the rustling noise.

'What's that?' he demanded.

'Somebody sent me a gift – I don't know what's in it,' said Kevin. Then the paper fell away. 'Oh my God – I don't believe it. This is perfect!'

Carl watched in bewilderment as Kevin delighted over a small wooden chair, clearly designed for a child, and Michael and Jandro seemed to admire it too.

'But,' said Carl, 'but... it's _pink_!'

'The colour doesn't matter,' said Kevin. 'It's exactly what we need!'

'It's pretty cool, man,' said Michael. 'We won't find a better one, anyway.'

Carl boggled in disbelief.

'Who sent it, Kev?' asked Jandro.

'Probably Oscar,' said Kevin. 'If not, I can't imagine! I'll see if there's a note.'

He rummaged around in the masses of brown paper on the floor, and finally resurfaced with a note. Carl waited to hear what it said.

' _How about this?_ ' Kevin read out loud. ' _My grandma got this for Jess when she was little, but she never used to sit on it even when she was small enough because it's pink. It's been sitting in the attic since it came with us from Connecticut, and I only remembered it today. I couldn't bring it over myself because my parents are making me get up early and go visit with family for the weekend, and anyway I thought it'd be a nice surprise. Tell me how it goes! Oscar._ '

Carl, looking even more puzzled and rather perturbed, went mooching off.

'I don't think the Venkmans are short of money, are they?' said Michael. 'He could've waited and gotten one of his parents to drive over with it.'

'I guess he was just keen for Kev to have it,' said Jandro. 'Try lifting it by one leg, Kev.'

'I'll try too,' said Michael, jumping to his feet and shaking out his arms.

'You're not supposed to be able to do it, Mike,' said Jandro. 'You have to try lifting it, and it falls over before it's hardly off the ground.'

'Yeah, in the play I do,' said Michael, 'but that's only acting. Just like when I kiss you.'

It so happened that Carl reappeared at that moment, and he gave them a horrified look. Kevin could not help laughing.

* * *

It was the day of the performances, and the drama studio's retractable benches were out, leaving just enough bare floor to function as a stage. Everyone left their shoes up in the gallery onto which the door opened, and they also left various props up there, including the pink chair. The class then had to walk down the stairs at the side of the room, and up through the tiered benches to find a seat. Kevin and his group waited patiently on the stairs while others fought to stay together in the throng, then occupied the empty bench on the left front row.

'Good afternoon, class,' said Mr Fearnhead, who was standing in the middle of the remaining floor, 'and welcome to our last drama lesson of the year. Today, you're going learn from _each other_ as you perform for the last time as junior high-schoolers. Would anyone like to go first?'

Lucy raised her hand, but no one else in the group did, and Mr Fearnhead's attention was caught by four arms waving enthusiastically from the back row.

'All right, girls, come on down,' said Mr Fearnhead. 'Class, we begin with Jas, Georgia, Rosie and Julia performing Charlotte Keatley's _My Mother Said I Never Should_.'

The rest of the group chattered while the four girls prepared themselves, and Mr Fearnhead took a seat at the aisle end of the left front row, next to Kevin. Soon enough, the four girls were in position, and Jas indicated that they were ready.

'QUIET!' roared Mr Fearnhead, when a few people didn't shut up, then he coughed a little and adjusted his tie. 'Now... whenever you're ready, girls.'

The girls began by playing a clapping game and giggling, then Julia said, 'I hate my mother.'

'I hate my mother too,' said Jas.

'I don't even really know who my mother _is_ ,' said Rosie.

'Let's all kill our mothers,' said Georgia.

The class watched in stupefied silence as the performance went on. Sitting beside Kevin, Mr Fearnhead occasionally went into paroxysms of delight. The performance finished with Jas and Julia fighting over a 1989 edition Betsy Wetsy doll, with Rosie standing in the background and looking mournfully on. Georgia hovered at the bottom of the stairs, evidently not part of the scene.

'Please don't take my baby, Mommy!' begged Jas.

'You're too young to take care of her,' said Julia, and promptly walked off with the Betsy Wetsy. Jas then knelt down, picked a doll's romper suit up from the floor and wept into it.

The class continued to stare. For a few moments, nothing happened.

'That's it,' Georgia announced from the stairs.

'Wonderful, girls!' said Mr Fearnhead, rising to his feet and clapping enthusiastically.

'I don't get it,' Michael whispered to Jandro.

'Me either,' said Jandro, 'but it looks like Mr Fearnhead does. I don't think I want to follow that.'

'All right,' said Mr Fearnhead, once he was over his rapture, 'who'd like to go next?'

This time, nobody volunteered.

'All right,' said Mr Fearnhead, 'we'll have Mark, Jack, Catherine and Stephanie with their interpretation of Tennessee Williams' _The Glass Menagerie_.'

Catherine and Stephanie made their way down to the stage, and Catherine carried on up the stairs to retrieve a medium-sized glass horse and seal. Mark and Jack mooched down to the stage with their hands in their pockets, and stood behind Catherine and Stephanie as they began to perform.

'Well, Laura,' said Stephanie, 'do you suppose we shall have any gentleman callers today?'

'Oh, I don't know, Mother,' Catherine said bashfully, at which point Mark and Jack started tittering.

The class watched as Catherine and Stephanie soldiered bravely on, until Mark swaggered onto the stage saying, 'I'm just going to my club. The White Swallow Club.' Then he laughed raucously and swaggered off to the stairs.

When next Mark entered, he had adopted an awkward gait, and was saying, 'Man, my ass is sore!'

Kevin glanced at Mr Fearnhead, and saw that he was frowning deeply.

'By the way,' said Mark, dragging Jack to the centre of the stage, 'this is my friend Jim. But he's not a _special_ friend, sis, so he might like to bang you.' Then he sloped off again, chuckling to himself.

'Hello,' said Catherine.

Jack stood there with his hands in his pockets and giggled.

'Don't I know you from somewhere?' Catherine persisted.

Jack went on giggling, staring at his feet.

Catherine, nearly in tears now, said, 'Would you maybe like to dance or something?'

At this point, Mark walked on and said, 'Dude, you're supposed to get it on with her, like this.'

He then took Catherine in both arms, deliberately grabbing her left buttock in his right hand. Catherine squealed, pushed Mark away and ran up the stairs to the exit, tears flowing down her cheeks. At this point Stephanie stepped forward, punched Mark in the nose and then ascended the stairs after Catherine to an enormous cheer, begun by Ella and quickly taken up by the whole class.

'Ow, my nose!' wailed Mark. 'Mr Fearnhead, did you see what she _did_?'

All the while, Jack stood there giggling with his hands in his pockets.

Mr Fearnhead seemed to have nothing to say. Kevin looked at him, and saw that he was sweating profusely into a large white handkerchief and loosening his tie and shirt collar.

'We'll go next, Mr Fearnhead,' said Kevin, rising to his feet, and gesturing for the others to follow him. He went upstairs to get his chair, while Michael stood over Mark until he sloped back to his seat, followed by the smirking Jack. Lucy picked up Catherine's glass animals and shoved them under her vacated seat, then they all took their positions.

It had evidently been decided that the performance should begin with Ella struggling to place the little pink chair in the centre of the stage, saying, 'Phew, this large dining chair is heavy!' The audience tittered appreciatively, then quietened down as Lucy came on and said, 'Morning, Aunt Beatrice.'

'Catherine,' said Ella, 'I've been meaning to talk to you about your Uncle Eddie. You're growing up now, and you have to stop letting him treat you like a child...'

Michael came on and did some convincing perving over Lucy, then Ella brought on Kevin and Jandro, with Jandro wearing the Buffy wig. When Jandro and Lucy began to interact, she thrust her chest at him flirtatiously and said, 'Wow, you're a real blonde!'

'Yeah, it's real all right,' said Jandro, running his fingers through the wig, which made everybody laugh.

Kevin gave a relaxed and competent performance, and probably no one noticed when he turned away to take a deep, cleansing breath before he had to lift the chair. Michael was making Jandro box with him, and delivering some convincing stage punches. When Jandro cried out in pretend pain and clutched his nose, Kevin said, 'Eddie! Can you lift this chair?'

Michael went over and picked up the chair by its seat with two hands.

'Lift it by one leg,' said Kevin, 'and hold it steady.'

Michael attempted to do this, but every time he had lifted the chair a few inches above the ground, he let the other side fall.

'It's impossible,' said Michael.

Kevin gave him a menacing look, then bent his knees and grasped the lower half of one chair leg. He then began to lift it, always keeping the seat parallel with the ground. Some of the audience members oohed and aahed in admiration. Kevin held the chair steady above Michael's head with a taut arm, glaring at him, and Michael shrank in terror. They held the pose for a while, then Jandro and Lucy diverted the audience's attention by flirting with each other while Michael discreetly helped Kevin lower the chair in the background. They grinned at each other as they walked off.

'Are you hungry?' asked Lucy.

'Not for anything to eat,' said Jandro, and a slight squeak came into his voice. He cleared his throat, and went on, 'It's not like Italy here, always going without.'

'You wouldn't like to go back and live in Italy?' said Lucy.

'No way,' said Jandro. 'I'm making a living here. What could I do if I went back to Italy?'

'You could be a singer. You have a really beautiful voice.'

'It's not as easy as that. You don't know what the world is like, Catherine.'

'I don't know anything!' Lucy said passionately, taking a step towards Jandro, and he involuntarily took a step back. She frowned at him slightly before going on, 'Teach me, Rodolpho. Hold me.'

There was some confusion as she raised her lips towards his, and Kevin could see from the bottom of the steps that Jandro was stretching his neck away in alarm. Michael was also standing on the steps, holding a water bottle in preparation for being drunk, so Kevin hissed, 'Start your part now!' and pushed him off the bottom step. Taken completely by surprise, Michael lurched onto the stage, which ended up working quite well when he said in exaggerated tones, 'Man, am I drunk!'

The audience laughed as he tottered along singing drunkenly, until he bumped into Jandro and Lucy, who had subtly roughed up their clothing while the audience watched Michael's antics. Lucy had also tousled her usually pristine sheet of hair, and Jandro had even tilted his wig to a comedy angle, revealing a patch of his own dark hair beneath. The audience laughed again.

'You've been deflowering my niece, you pervert!' yelled Michael.

'We're going to get married!' retorted Jandro.

'Only because you want a green card!' said Michael.

'Oh, Eddie, I don't think so,' said Lucy.

'That's because you don't know he's a homosexual!' said Michael.

'I am _not_ a homosexual,' said Jandro.

'Yes you are!' said Michael. 'And what's more, I can prove it!'

So saying, he lunged at Jandro and kissed him full on the mouth. This got the biggest reaction of all. Many of the audience gasped, and a few of them laughed moronically. There was a silence as the kiss finished. Then Stephanie, who had just appeared on the gallery with her left arm around the tear-stained Catherine, raised her right arm and whooped.

'See?' said Michael, when he judged it was time to move on. 'That proves he only wants to marry you for a green card, and I'm going to tell the cops!'

For the next bit, Lucy and Jandro went to stand by Kevin on the steps, Jandro straightening his wig, while Ella came onstage wearing a hat and a serious expression.

'Great work on that scene, guys,' whispered Kevin, as Ella and Michael debated the strength of Eddie's claim against Rodolpho.

'I was upstaged by Michael,' said Lucy. 'I thought about giving Jandro a little kiss, but I guess it wouldn't have been as passionate as the one Michael gave him.'

'So you're not sorry he bumped into you just then?' asked Kevin.

'No,' said Lucy, with a small smile at Jandro. 'It's probably better that we didn't kiss. This time.'

Jandro smiled and blushed and looked down at his feet. Then suddenly Kevin said, 'Ooh!', grabbed Jandro's wrist and dragged him onto the stage, yelling, 'How dare you call immigration on us, you good-for-nothing worm!'

* * *

Mr Fearnhead stood at the front of the room, almost in tears as he said, 'This has been a wonderful end to... to the school year.' Here, he shot a look at Mark and Jack. 'Mostly. I love teaching drama. I love seeing you young people express yourselves. If I ever had to go away...' He tailed off.

'Are you all right, Mr Fearnhead?' asked Lucy.

'Yes, Lucy, I'm fine,' said Mr Fearnhead, quickly pulling himself together. 'We've seen some wonderful work here today, but I think we can all agree, there was one performance that stood out above all the rest, and I'd like the performers to come down here and take a bow. Please, everybody put your hands together for...'

Everyone in Kevin's group looked hopeful, and Ella even started to rise from her seat.

' _My Mother Said I Never Should_!' said Mr Fearnhead. 'Come on down, girls.'

Jas, Georgia, Rosie and Julia descended from their seats and stood in front of the group, wreathed in smiles, while the class clapped half-heartedly.

'What a crock!' said Ella. 'Ours was way better! People laughed at us! Nobody even _got_ theirs!'

'Well,' said Jandro, 'it looked like a difficult play to interpret.'

'Oh,' said Ella, 'and ours wasn't?'

'All right!' Mr Fearnhead shouted over the noise, for the rest of the class was also chattering. 'You'll all see your final grade when you get your report cards in homeroom tomorrow. If I don't see you again, have a great summer, and I hope to be teaching some of you in high school next year. Oh, Kevin and Michael – would you please stay and put away the seats? Thank you.'

The class began standing up and milling about, and once again the room filled with the buzz of conversation. Most people left, but Lucy, Ella and Jandro stayed behind with Kevin and Michael. Catherine and Stephanie also hung back on their way out.

'Don't listen to Mr Fearnhead, guys,' said Stephanie. 'Everyone knows yours was the best.'

'They do?' said Jandro.

'How do _you_ know that?' asked Ella. 'You only saw about half of it.'

'I think we saw the best parts,' said Stephanie. 'It was real funny when Jandro and Lucy had been having sex' – (Jandro blushed deeply) – 'and then you really got everybody with that same-sex kiss. I'm surprised you felt comfortable doing that, Michael.'

'Why?' said Michael. 'You don't know me, man.'

'No, I don't,' said Stephanie. 'I just know you _used_ to be like Mark Warner, only bigger.'

'I may not have been perfect,' said Michael, 'but I never actually said or did anything homophobic.'

'Whatever,' said Stephanie, and she put her arm around Catherine. 'Come on, Kitty-Cat – let's go.'

'Don't forget your glass menagerie,' said Lucy, fishing out the horse and seal and handing them to Catherine. 'I'm sorry yours didn't go so well.'

'Thanks,' said Catherine, in a small voice, as Stephanie led her towards the stairs.

'I'll help you guys push the seats back,' said Ella, as Kevin and Michael set to their task.

'Let's all help,' said Jandro. 'I bet Lucy and I together are almost as strong as you, Ella.'

As they were pushing the seats in, a familiar voice said from the gallery above them, 'Excuse me – Mr Fearnhead? I think I might have dropped my keys in here earlier. Could I please look for them?'

'Oh, Oscar, hello,' said Mr Fearnhead, looking up from a stack of papers he was holding. 'Yes, of course, come and look.'

Oscar descended the stairs, and caught sight of his friends.

'Oh, hi,' he said. 'How was your performance?'

'It was a triumph,' said Ella. ' _Most_ people loved it,' and she glared at Mr Fearnhead.

'I don't suppose any of you have seen my keys?' said Oscar.

They all exchanged helpless glances, and shook their heads. Oscar looked upset.

'I'm really worried about them,' he said. 'They've just disappeared! The only thing I could think of was that I might have accidentally thrown them out when I was doing Danny's autopsy earlier.'

'Maybe they went under the seats, if you actually threw them,' said Lucy. 'Let's take a look.'

Oscar nodded, and followed Lucy to the now retracted seats, where they got onto the floor and put their heads to the ground and their backsides in the air. Jandro was transfixed for a moment, then he looked away, embarrassed.

'Mr Fearnhead,' said Kevin. 'Are you going to give Catherine and Stephanie the same grade as those two Neanderthals?'

'Well,' said Mr Fearnhead, 'that's confidential. But bear in mind, the girls _did_ both walk out on the performance, and Stephanie actually used violence against another student.'

'That's because Catherine had been sexually assaulted!' said Ella.

'Yes, well,' said Mr Fearnhead, 'appropriate action will be taken – don't you worry about that. By the way, I thought your performance was very good.'

'Oh _thank_ you, sir, _so_ much,' said Ella.

'Got 'em!' said Lucy, who was now lying flat on her stomach, pulling her arm out from under the seats with Oscar's keys in her hand.

'Oh, thank God!' said Oscar, taking them from her. 'And thank _you_ , Lucy. Hey, Ella – Danny and I have written a new song. You wanna go over it now?'

'Okay,' said Ella, and she draped her arm across Oscar's shoulders as she led him to the stairs. 'See you later, guys.'

'I'd better go too,' said Lucy. 'John's picking me up today. Anyone want a ride?'

'I'll take you up on that,' said Michael, and he put his arm around Lucy as they made their way up the stairs.

'Thanks, Luce, but I'll walk,' said Jandro.

'Me too,' said Kevin, putting his arm around Jandro, which made everybody laugh.

'So, dude,' said Kevin, once the others had gone, 'glad it's over?'

'Yes,' said Jandro. 'I don't really like performing anyway – I think some of my deliveries might have stopped Mr Fearnhead from liking it as much as that one the four girls did. And I was so nervous about that scene with Lucy!'

'I bet it wasn't as hard as lifting that chair,' said Kevin.

'Oh, I think it was at _least_ as hard as that... in its own way.'

They went up the stairs, put on their shoes and gathered their things, including the pink chair, which Kevin carried from the room in one hand.

'Last day of junior high tomorrow,' he said. 'How do you feel about that?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said Jandro. 'I mean, we're only going across the street to the high school. How different can it be?'

'You're right,' said Kevin. 'School is school. They'll still just waste our time.'

'But at least we'll be wasting our time together,' said Jandro. 'It's what happens after school's over that's scary, when we all have responsibilities, and we might even... I don't know... drift apart or something.'

'Never!' said Kevin, slinging his chair-free arm around Jandro once again as they walked out of the school gates.


End file.
